On dedication, self-discipline, determination, athlete's guilt

You might know that I am very dedicated, have a pretty good self-discipline (but not about eating) and determined.
(I think that there might be one word that compresses all these qualities in an athlete but it does not come to mind, thus such a long title and introductionary sentence.)

You give me a training plan and do it. Even when I prepare a training plan for myself I do it, I do not need anyone to keep me accountable.

But if I do not have a training plan I am a complete slacker because I do not know what to do. Or I start a workout and keep changing it every 5minutes.

I wanted to create myself a plan but it does not make much sense at this point because my dad/grandparents/pool people keep changing their plans and my plans go out the window. Plus I am lazy, I admit it. I sometimes prefer watching TV. And I do not like working out when my parents are at home because my dad calls me nuts and my mom takes pictures of me. Grrr.

But I got in some exercise. Let's see. I did not do anything on Saturday.
On Sunday I did 2h bike (P 149, C 76, HR 146, horrible, just horrible) on a balcony and then I went to the pool with cH team. It was 50m indoor pool, pretty cool. Too bad it is too far from my parents place (it is around 18miles, which is a lot here and would be too expensive to go there by car often. Gas costs around 1.50Eur/liter, which is like $8/gallon. And those idiots from EU decided to place mebargo on gas from Iran so of course it will go up and up now). There were 9 of us in one lane and I again basically spent 1.5hours doing drills. But cH said that it looks pretty good. He asked me whether I want to learn butterfly....maybe next time. I was one of the slowest and sometimes I had to idea what I was supposed to do because I do not know Slovak terms for all those exercises and drills so cH had to explain a lot to me. But it was good, I liked it. I am going to another team training on Friday to continue working on my technique and then we shall see whether I can join his real swimming workouts.

I did 1h bike today (20min easy HR 140-150, 10min ~190W, 10min ~200+W, 20min easy 140-150) and then I went running. 20min slowly working on my technique. It was little awkward, I am trying to land under my center of gravity but I am not used to this new movement and I feel like I am lifting my knees way too high and taking very little steps. But it needs to be done!

Ok, I need to be better about my training, create a plan and get into a routine!!!!! Athlete's guilt is killing me!