Race goals (plus little more)

I would not say that I am absolutely looking forward to the race but I am slowly getting excited.  I even could not fall asleep yesterday because I was thinking about the race and proceeded to have a dream in which I gave a ride toTirunesh Dibaba and Meseret Defar....

Although I must admit that now the only reason why I am little down is because of the price of this race and the likelihood that I will not get anything in return, except for experience. I am over my fear of running 10 kilometers:) Just imagine, they make you pay for a timing chip rental. How weird. So the race fee was 74Eur including timing chip, day license, race fee and it is very unlikely that I will podium in this race unless…I will get to that in a second. But maybe exactly this should fire me up, to make that money worth it. But money does not motivate me so I can only rely on my competitive ego. 

This time I am not going to say that I am racing to win (surprise, I know). Instead I have decided to be humble this time and therefore I am going to say that I want just to podium. Of course I want to win but I can be reasonable when I want to be and I know that unless I magically grow flippers in next three days and swim 22min chances of winning are close to zero. Even podium is a very long-stretch goal but I think that it can be done... I will have to swim 27, ride sub 70 and run sub-42 max to have a chance to podium. 

Swim: I really think that I can swim 27 but I just do not know how to do it. I wish I could hire a domestique that will swim at 27ish pace and I will pace off of her. I just do not know how to pace it on my own. However, I swear that I am going to try on Sunday. I will swim as hard as I can, no settling, no dillydallying, swim hard!

Bike: The course is basically 5x out and back. Which means 10x 360° turns. I think that it sucks but I am not 100% sure. I will probably have to go pretty hard to hit my 68ish min goal on this course. Ok, I just realized that the bike course 42,5k and not 40k so hm, I will probably not be able to go sub 70min. But on the other hand, it is only around 23mph speed and that is not that fast. Or is it? I do not know. I think that I just need to go almost all-out (and then hope for the best on a run). Plus since it is 5x out and back non-draft, the course will be probably crowded. Blah. Although, they put me into the first wave (you know, with fast people) so hopefully it will not be too bad at least for the first loop.

Run: 6:40ish for a 10k. I think that I can do it. If I do not trash myself on a bike and if I stop being a puss. I know what you are saying, so do not trash yourself on a bike. But you see, I think that if I trash myself on a bike I will bike 69 and run high 42. If I do not trash myself on a bike I will bike 71 and run high 41. So I will still be better off if I trashed myself on a bike. It is all about pushing myself out of my comfort zone. And I am determined to try it. I will probably still look at my watch every 10 seconds and bitch about how far I still have to go, but I am going to use that despair to fire me up; use the tough love method on myself. 

The run is 4 x out and back so I will be able to see my competition so hopefully that will help. Because you know what’s interesting? In that tri I did two weeks ago it did not even occur to me to try to chase that girl that came out of transition before me. Maybe if I saw her I would try to catch her but since I did not see her I somehow did not remembered that I should try to go catch her if I want to win. When I was running, I was not even thinking about winning, I was just running to get it over with and did not think about competition one bit. But I had this same attitude in tris last year as well, I was just doing my thing not caring about anything around me on a run. I need to get use to the fact that in non-draft legal tri people are not around me like in running races. I will try to remember to “compete” on Sunday.

I know this makes me sound really stupid or at least brings up a question why the hell am I doing races them? I do not realize that I must catch people if I want to win? Well, no, I somehow do not think about it once the gun goes off. Several reasons for that: 1, I am not used to racing. The last time I did a real race (by which I mean that I was not concerned with paces, PRs, times, just pure racing people) was probably 4 years ago while I was in college. Actually that 5k I did in late June was a real race also but one race will not teach me how to race. 2, I used to be a 1500m and when you ask me to do a race that lasts over two hours it feels like an ultramarathon to me so my mind seems to go numb because it is just soooo freaking long. 3, I have all these goals to win/podium but I still find running or triathlon completely unimportant in a bigger scheme of things in my life and thus if I do not win it does upset me but I get over it pretty fast and at the end of the day I do not give a damn. So here, I said it. I am full of conflicting ideas I know.  Although I tell you this. If I were any good, like sub22min swim, sub65min bike and 37min run good, then I will give a damn. But since I am no good (dare I say...yet) I do not find winning very important. It is like being the fastest of the slowest and that does not attract me. 4, I have hard time racing when I know that I am not 100% ready to race, when I am not the best I can be or at least close(r) to being the best I can be. Because what’s the point in comparing yourself to other people if we are not all equal (equal meaning we are all best we can be and ready to race, or so close to being as equal as possible)? Because if we are all the best we can be, then the differences in our outcomes are smaller (although they still exist of course) and only then we can truly compare ourselves. I will be more willing to race after I put a good training in and after I feel ready. But until then it is me against me, not me against competition. It is me running faster than 42min, not me running faster than a girl next to me. So basically I am saying this: When I now say that I want to win, it does not mean that I am going to turn myself inside out chasing people. It means that I think that the times I want to hit/am capable of hitting right now are good enough to win. In other words, it is not me that is good enough to win, it is competition that is bad enough to let me win. 

So just to recap: Swim 27, ride all-out to 69 and run sub42. And find my freaking bike without doing a headless chicken run first!!!

This was long and not really to the point, but as I was writing it the thoughts just started to form in my head and I put them down, without any filter.